Reflections

October, you have finally graced us all with your presence. Ramadan is ending, fall is beginning, and only two more months left in Bangladesh. Two more months to continuously straddle attempts to survive and enjoy this country. But I realize that no matter what my emotional state when I leave Bangladesh, I have already learned much about not only about development NGO work, but also where I want to be in life and how I’m going to get there.

A consequence of my scattered academic, political, and social interests is that I’m in a constant state of identity crisis. Who am I today: feminist? environmentalist? scientist? Despite my ever-changing perspective and persona, my goals remain the same. I want a world where children don’t have to sleep on the street and beg for money. I want a world where women are valued and autonomous. I want a world where we recognize the toll we’re taking on the environment and the toll it’s taking back on us. I want, simply, global change.

Part of the reason I’ve spent the past summer and this semester working with NGOs and activists is to find my “window” through which I’ll take on the world. What I’ve learned from working with BRAC is that there isn’t a best way to tackle these issues. Bangladesh needs agriculturalists, sociologists, doctors, teachers, environmentalists, and economists, but it needs all of them working together. It’s all about perspective.

In my youth I dreamed of myself as a “Renaissance Man” (er… woman) like Thomas Jefferson. Now this seems like an impossible dream. I barely have room in my schedule for required electives. And who wants to spend 20 years in graduate school becoming an expert in every field? I feel like the world doesn’t have room for people like me: people who can’t spend 9-5 working on a computer, working in a lab, sitting through endless meetings. For now I’m maintaining a balance of calculated self-improvement and following my instincts and passions, trying not to spread myself too thin between different fields and causes (so far not succeeding). I’m hoping that when the time comes, there will be a place for me where I can be both productive and satisfied. Forget looking for my window; just let me run around outside for a while.